Woah, woah, woah! Don’t go anywhere!

I know – you’re tired of ANYTHING having to do with the election, and you don’t want my opinion on the matter, and you could actually be doing anything else and be having more fun than you would by thinking about the election. But hear me out, this is something different.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billion times:

“You have a voice, use it.”

-Elliott J Shindel

When someone brings up the election, this year more than most, you can actually see everyone’s shoulders raise up to their ears. Such a crazy  amount of tension just because I said, “I have to remember to get stamps for my ballot!” It shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t have to feel like I can’t talk to anyone unless they share the same thoughts and feelings I have. How would anyone grow if that were the case? How would any of us become ourselves, if we were meant to just take on our parents ideals and go on through life. Therefore only ever being able to contribute to any offspring that you have, because everyone else already has his or her mind made up.

Bleh. I digress. You have an opportunity to do something about how you feel. I keep hearing about how people are so upset about their choices that they aren’t going to vote. How does this solve anything? Look, I get it, the electoral college system is a pretty ridiculous way of doing things, and sometimes it can feel like “what’s the point?”. But the point is, the votes still happen, there is still a voice being recorded and there are people that can see that. Have you ever been in a situation that a question was asked and there was a lot of hesitation, and then, all of the sudden, after one hand goes up, other hands just started flying up!?

To dumb it down (a lot): Who likes the color purple?! I remember this question being asked, and in a room full of dudes, no one wanted to say he liked the color purple. Well, purple is my favorite color, so I raised my hand. In doing so, I think it allowed other guys to voice their liking of the color because they then had proof – “I’m not going to be the only guy who likes purple!”

So I beg of you – raise your hand for your favorite color. You have an opportunity, take advantage of it! Be proud to be an American, and maybe your voice is the voice to make a movement start moving.

You have the power! You silly human being. You have a voice.

I didn’t think it would be this difficult.

I knew that I wanted to write about you, and explain all of the awesome things we went through together. What I didn’t realize is that while I write this, I know this is my way of saying goodbye. Yes, you are an inanimate object, and that you’ll never read this – but for some reason I feel like you know the day is coming.

The day I purchase a new (to me) car to drive, and sell you in that process.

I remember the day I heard about you.

I was sixteen years old. My parents were helping me find my first car, and I had no idea what I was doing. I would see a picture on the internet and try to do the ‘ole “judge a book by its cover” thing, and come up with a story for every car: how it got to where it was now

and what that car wants to be when it grows up (I know… I have issues… just keep reading). My dad showed me a picture of a 1996 Toyota Avalon, and asked for my thoughts. I remember thinking, “I don’t know… it’s a sedan and it doesn’t really look that cool, but whatever,” while actually saying, “Uhhhh… sure, let’s check it out.”

When we pulled up to your driveway it was snowing like crazy and I remember thinking something like, “This is a sign from God! I’m not supposed to get this car!” My dad and I went inside of the house to talk to your owners. He gave me the keys and his spiel about you, and ushered me back outside to check you out. I sat in the driver’s seat and shut the door, and in that moment, for the first time, felt what it was like to be in your embrace: a comfortable seat, spacious enough to not feel cramped, enclosed enough to not feel lost, and quiet… but in a safe way. My dad stepped in front of you and we went through the rigamarole of trying out all of the buttons and switches out to make sure all of your lights worked. I remember him pointing to the left, and me turning on the left turn signal; him pointing to the right, and me turning on the right turn signal; then he yelled as he passed my door, “Do that again and put on the brakes so I can check the back!” I followed direction. Then Dad stepped in front of you again. I remember him reaching his gloved hands out and motioning his fingers in such a specific fashion (curled into his palm, then stretched all the way out, and then curled again, back and forth). This, of course, was supposed to resemble hazards, but I was reminded of the word flash. So naturally, I turned on my brights. The look on his face was hilarious, and that was when we shared our first laugh together! I just knew you were laughing with me!

I drove away with you that night, into the flurries and darkness: what always made me think of the warp drive in Star Trek. I never turned on the music, just the heat. And I became more and more aware of a bond forming that I was not anticipating. In that moment I knew that you were some piece of metal I was going to show off to anyone that I could. You were my friend.

It would be impossible for me to go through everything that we did together, and I don’t know that I would want to. We’ve been through A LOT. And a lot of that “a lot” will be kept a secret between you and me, Tobias. However, there are a few memories that I think should absolutely be shared.

My first story: it’s not my greatest moment with you, and not my smartest moment overall! I remember driving you to work, it was a weekend day about 10 in the morning. This day, in particular, was a scorcher! I worked my 5 hour shift and came out knowing I was going to roll the windows down as soon as I hopped in (what with the air conditioning never really working, don’t worry, I was never mad at you for that). So I climbed in, rolled the windows down, took a deep breath of not 100+ degree air, and started the drive home. We were 5 minutes into the 10 minute drive and I came to a stop light. At the exact moment the red light turned green, I heard and explosion, and then my ears were ringing. I was befuddled as I was trying to figure out why my right arm up to my cheek felt like it was burning, and I could taste something… something sweet… something like… Cherry Pepsi?! Sure enough, I looked down at your left cup holder and saw a can of Cherry Pepsi with it’s top blown completely off. A can of Cherry Pepsi I had completely forgotten about from the night before. Your interior is still covered in that dark soda, as I was never able to scrub it out… and it remains one of the scariest and most hilarious moments of my life!

My second story: your CD player never really worked. Now, I know if I played a regular ‘ole CD in and didn’t press any skip buttons, and never turned it off while it was playing – you’d play a CD just right! But I was all about my mixes, you know?! So, here we were driving to a girl’s house so I could take her on our first date. I was playing one of my mixes (because I’m stubborn and don’t really mind when it skips, so long as we get through the song!), and it came to Shaggy’s song “Wasn’t Me”. The windows were down, the volume was up, and I was singing my lungs out; and then it skips. But it doesn’t come back! So I drove the next 10 minutes in silence trying to let you work out the issue, and eventually rolled up to the house and shut you down. I got our date, came back outside and started you back up… still silent. It was as we were backing out of the drive way that my mix started up again; and yes, at full blast! “PICTURE THIS WE WERE BOTH BUTT NAKED BANGIN’ ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR!” I was mortified. I could not believe you did that to me. But in the end… You knew, didn’t you!? She just wasn’t the one.

My third story: the long drives. This isn’t really about any particular long drive, just more so that I had so many of them with you: to Aspen, to South Sioux City, to Greeley and back so many times, to Lakewood and back so many times, and so many other places. I never questioned whether or not you were going to make it, I knew you would! So many people scoffed at your worn out look towards the end, questioning my faith in a car that’s over 20 years old. But not me, Tobias, I trusted you every trip! Bumping all of the tunes (through the fancy tape thing I had), the smooth rides allowing all of our passengers to sleep while I drove, and the heat I knew you could bring while the Colorado blizzards blew around us.

I have so many more stories, Tobias, and I will always remember them, and probably write them for others to know as times moves on. Thinking about letting you go is one of the hardest things I think I’ve ever had to face. You have not only protected me, but you’ve protected every single life that has sat with me. And can you believe that I have never received a traffic ticket while driving you!? It’s incredible, the time that we’ve shared. Nothing will replace that.

I know that you won’t be reading this. And it seems especially foolish as I wrap this up, knowing I spent this much time on a letter to what most people would consider an inanimate object. But you’re more to me than that, Tobias.

You will always be my friend.

I am an optimist.

I’ve tried so hard to give that up. I think that I could see things more clearly as a realist, or even a pessimist, but I could not keep either of those mindsets. I’d be in it for a couple days (maybe) and then realize I HATED myself for even trying to do something that wasn’t me. Me being – an optimist.

Every time someone comes to me with an issue, one of the first things that comes out of my mouth is, “Well, have you tried looking at it from his or her side?” Most of the time, the answer is, “…no…” And that’s understandable. Why, in the moment, would you want to genuinely react to something that has happened to you while at the same time rack your brain to try to see it from the other person’s perspective to decide whether or not you being angry should or should be a deserved emotion? It’s okay, you can reread that if you’d like, I let that run on for a bit. You get my point, though; it doesn’t make sense. It is, however, what I do about 95% of the time. The other 5% is that animal instinct that takes charge and then I don’t know what’s happening until I wake up from it and see blood everywhere and all I have are SOOO many questions!

I digress to the point of this post. I love my daughter. I love her so so so so so very much, and as anyone could assume, I want the world for her. It wasn’t until recently that I started to wonder if getting her the world would be such a terrible gift. The world is beautiful, with it’s mountains, and rivers, and forests, and everything else. But the world is so ugly with it’s fighting, and hate, and evil. I naturally see the good in people, no matter what, and I’ve now seen instances of people where I couldn’t see good in them. I could not figure out why that person hated these other people as much as they did. I absolutely cannot wrap my brain around it. Why would I want those people for my daughter?

I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to show the wee babs all of the most wondrous things that exist, while still explaining to her how much senseless killing there is in the world. I know that I have a little while to figure this out, as she is 15 months old; but the clock is ticking, and as time goes on, and these horrific events keep taking place, I get further and further away from an answer. There are times I think, “What have I done? Why have I put this on her to endure?” And it’s then that I realize that even though she isn’t even capable of forming complete sentences yet, she has made SO many people’s days. Just her smile, giggle, and clapping have turned my days completely around. She is everything!

So, this post is a promise to her- to Ellie. I will try my very hardest to show you everything there is in the world. All of the good, the bad, the ugly, but also, how much power you have to make a difference in the world. There may be bad people in the world and there may be bad events, but there is one good thing that will defeat all of them.

I love you, Ellie.